Thoughts on AAS conference

crossposted.

This trip has been eye-opening in many ways. I’ve reaffirmed my distaste for traveling, discovered that the ability to speak Korean is impressively useless to ever-present Chinese and Japanese-speaking tourists, and realized that becoming a Korean history go-to guy may not be in the cards for me.

It’s not that I didn’t enjoy myself; well, actually, maybe that’s precisely it. Yes, I didn’t enjoy myself. But, I must allow into consideration that I had many factors stacked against me. Taking a travel-hating country boy far away from the comfort of long, open highways, the Dallas Mavericks and locally brewed Shiner Bock, I was already cranky by the time I left Dallas. Away from my picturesque wife and stunningly sweet little girl, I was missing home mere moments after takeoff. I attempted to remedy this by calling and/or texting every five seconds. Think I went over on my minute plan. Is that even possible anymore?

Regardless, traveling is expensive I usually don’t feel more enlightened as a person after I get back. I usually just feel a little fussy. I mean, really? An eighteen dollar hamburger? What do you mean twenty five dollar “checked baggage” fee? And you, how do you sleep at night, Mr. Overpriced Surfing Instructor? I didn’t mean to put my head through your windsurfing sail; it just happened during one of many falls off your one hundred thirty dollar windsailing board. You don’t have to rub my nose in it. I already did that, clearly.

Secondly, I didn’t know anyone at the conference other than my hotel rooming buddy. All other social engagement responsibility rested solely on my sunburned shoulders. I tend to give up easily when it comes to making friends. Call me shyly introverted, please, but don’t call me cynical; I’d hate to start avoiding you, too. Making friends is hard.

Finally, and most importantly, I was out of my professional element. I was at a conference with some of the world’s most brilliant academics; men and women who have dedicated the better part of their lives on a hyper-specified subject that has questionable real-life application. Multilingual and perfectly drilled to recall random facts and figures, I was but an unwelcome fly on the wall.

The conference was for Asian studies academics, which I am not. I knew that going into it but I didn’t realize the level of detail and hair-splitting involved with post-doctoral panels pursuing the difference between 노예 and 노비 or Joseon dynasty codes of punishment; let alone arguing the value of said distinctions over the course of several hours. In truth, I found several panels delightfully stimulating while others seduced me into believing I was at my grandmother’s house relaxing in the back bedroom on Thanksgiving; the only place on Earth capable of bringing even the most pill-popping, energy-drink fueled teenager to a gentle lull. Some non-native speakers spoke almost poetically while others struggled to finish a coherent sentence. Some had dazzling visuals while others monotonously read right off their paper with nary a powerpoint slide or handout. Shame.

Most of all, I found myself in utter mediocrity. The “Independent Scholar” label stamped on my name badge was ambiguously mysterious and erroneously led to some asking when I finished my dissertation. I humbly corrected them by meekly replying that being an “Independent Scholar” actually meant that I was a bottom feeder located snugly at the bottom of the academic food chain – just above summer interns but decidedly below pretentious first year grad students.

What could I have expected, though? I haven’t formally studied anything yet. I suppose that the aspect of trying to hang with the big boys in the future is almost too much to live up to. No matter if I started grad school today would I ever be able to live up to some of the panelists I met. Yes, I’ve read their books. Yes, they are rock stars to my world. No, I can never match their linguistic ability let alone academic ability. I am Jack’s sense of defeat.

I’ve rethought my (future) position very much this past week. It all comes down to a few basic questions that are still not adequately answered: What am I? Who am I? Am I a school teacher? A future professor? A would-be scholar? Am I a sailor? Or am I just a husband? A father? A family guy? Is there room for a real balance?

When I get in ruts like this, I try to count the good in my life and I’m relieved to be able to list so many blessings. I’ve got a good job, a good looking future job with the Navy, health insurance, a car, clothes on my back, a college degree, and, most importantly, an incredible family. I am the world’s luckiest guy just to know my wife and daughter, let alone be a part of their lives. I got it good, it’s just not the same type of good that I was aspiring to.

I know that graduate school is still very much a goal for me, but as far as what type of profession I want to get into later in life, which specific field of Korean studies do I want to focus on, or if I even want to go past the master’s and go for the PhD is still up in the air. I come away from this a little more wise and a lot more open to possibilities. Oh, and sunburned and jet lagged. That too.

AAS 70th Annual Conference

Who's got two thumbs and going to be in Hawaii from March 31st to April 3rd?

This guy.

I somehow convinced my loving, supportive and incredibly pregnant wife to let me go to the 70th Annual Conference put on by the Association for Asian Studies (AAS). Not only does 2011's event plan to be the biggest it has ever been boasting three times the amount of presenters, it will also be jointly hosted by the International Convention of Asia Scholars (ICAS). What does all this mean for an aspiring Korean historian? History Nerd Overload. I can't wait.

This will be an especially memorable event for me because my new job has taken up virtually all available time to do the things I'd like to do. This is a real treat. I know that AAS will have other conferences in the future but this one really seems like it'll be one to remember. Sure the flight ticket is unnecessarily expensive, I have to take off quite a chunk of work to attend and the conference just happens to be taking place roughly two weeks after the birth of our daughter, but hey, why not, right?

If you'll be there too, shoot me an email or a comment and let's meet up.

UPDATE: Thoughts on conference.